nightgaunt, nightgaunt

I have college essays due for the early decision deadline on Monday. I haven't started them actually. Sometimes being a type B personality is really, really horrible. I'm not procrastinating, I'm just...uninspired. Right? I've been staying up all night playing bass wishing, just wishing, I was as cool as Kim Deal. (the staying up all night is mostly contributed to the fact that I just started drinking black coffee...and a lot of it) I went to the mall on black Friday, not exactly sure why. I didn't buy anything. I also realized that I am in fact a very bad driver. Several people appeared to be quite upset and communicated this through the use of a certain hand gesture. Such angry faces...

I think I'm gonna ask my mom to get me this for christmas. Keep it on the mantel above the fireplace, yanno? I think it'd be a nice addition to the home decor...

I'm a scatterbrain.

Life's changes..

The first thing that came to mind after reading Tim O'Brien's passage was a photograph of myself, maybe four or five years old at my aunts wedding. Of course, I was the flower girl, and of course I'm wearing the most extravagant flower girl dress the bridal store had to offer. I'm crouched down in the bushes, red-faced and screaming, yelling at whoever was taking the picture. If I recall correctly my reasons for hostility were either a) I was repulsed by the fact that I would have to hold hands and walk down the aisle with the ring bearer or b) I was absolutely baffled, not to mention extremely jealous, that my aunt, the bride, had a larger bouquet than I did. 

I showed it to a friend not too long ago and their response--"Wow, you haven't changed much."

So, the point is, throughout our lives I believe our inner nature stays the same. Maturity plays a huge role in how we act in certain situations (because if I were in a wedding today, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't throw a tantrum) but there's this part of yourself you will never lose touch with. You can say you've changed on certain levels, maybe you have a new set of opinions on a matter or made some drastic lifestyle changes, but ultimately the qualities of your mind will remain the same. 

Tim O'Brien uses eyes as evidence of this-"I know my own eyes"(236). I think most people could look at a photo of themselves at an earlier point in their life and automatically recognize the fact that they still have the same gaze. Describing the essence of oneself can get to be a kind of strange concept, but seeing how ones eyes are unchanging from birth to death makes it more concrete.

"Why I Write" --Jeannette Walls

I write because I absolutely love to. I write to share-to get my story out. If everybody tells their own story, what we can learn from each other is infinite.  Everything from being a little girl demon hunting in the desert to walking the crowded streets of New York City has been an experience. Your experiences aren't like anybody elses -it'd be a shame not to tell them.

Telling the story of my childhood-whether you think it horrific or remarkable-is a way for me to share my hope. I do it for all of us-my sisters, my brother, my mother, and my father. To write with the intention of self-pity is so untrue-so fake. I want to illustrate with my words the importance of forgiveness and never giving up.  

I knew writing was my passion from the very first day I worked on my school's newspaper. It felt like nothing I'd ever experienced to have the freedom to choose any words I wanted to say anything I wanted. And to have people listen? It's just wonderful. To this day, I still feel that same triumph of sharing my words I felt back in Welch, West Virginia working on the The Maroon Wave. Everyone in my family made life an adventure, everyone had something to give-Mom and Lori with their art, Brian with his braveness, Dad with his boldness and peculiar charm, and me-with my writing. 

Memoir Blog- The Glass Castle

"You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it." -Bill Cosby

When reading the list of quotes to relate to The Glass Castle, the aforementioned one by Bill Cosby struck me as the perfect description for this memoir. In the beginning it was clear how Rex and Mary Rose Walls used humor as a sort of a tactic to distract their children from the severity of their living conditions. Although I honestly feel they were also doing it to divert their own attention from the hardships at hand, humoring themselves.  Obviously, since all the kids were so young and in awe of their parents "venturesome" outlook, this worked quite well. The children, up until a certain point, had an immense amount of faith in their parents, and would support their actions even if they deep down knew it was not in their best interest. Of course, harsh feelings would surface, but adding a joke or comical affirmation (especially coming from Rex) would lighten situations that most other parents would crumble in disgust and shame over. As time goes on, it becomes solely up to Jeannette, Lori, Brian and Maureen to fend for themselves and keep a (very) positive outlook during the especially tumultuous times in Welch, West Virginia. 

One incident which directly parallels the quote I chose occurs when Jeannette and her father are discussing the scorching heat, sitting on the porch of their dilapidated house.

"Dad started laughing. It was a silent laugh that made his shoulders shake, and the more he laughed, the funnier it seemed to him, which made him laugh even harder. I had to start laughing, too, and soon we were both hysterical, lying on our backs, tears running down our cheeks, slapping out feet on the porch floor"(189). 

Although the children eventually all separate from Rex and Mary Rose and each have their individual disputes with their parents, if it weren't for the initial lighthearted "adventures" they all experienced, the situation would have not resulted as it did- which I personally feel is uplifting rather than depressing, as some could possibly see it.

Extremely Loud, Question #13

I found Oskar's imagined responses to be absolutely hilarious, especially during the his Hamlet performance. Although when I really thought more into it, it seems more much more sad than funny... Oskar clearly has a lot of pent up agression, which is not only displayed by his bitter inner comments, but more obviously by the bruises he gives himself. Looking more specifically into his inner thoughts, they are so childish in nature compared to his usual "know-it-all" outlook. I feel like after his father died, Oskar experienced urges to imitate him, since he looked up to him so much. I looked it up and saw that this is actually common in children who have lost a parent. Oskar generally acts very mature, very meticulous, much like the descriptions of his father depict. I feel that since he was straining so much to achieve a certain persona, he lost sight of his juvenile 9 year old self, which led to all his imagined outbursts.

Another thing I found interesting is the way all the people involved in his life are put into a play script format (bottom of page 146). It just shows how confused he is, saying Dad dosen't make sense, Mom dosen't make sense, etc. He also imagines the audience praising him because he makes so much sense. Oskar just wants so badly for someone to understand him, to tell him what he's doing (the key search) and how he's feeling is perfectly fine. He's questioning so much at this point that even the childish imaginings of a crowd cheering will make up for how lost he feels. It's also so incredibly violent which is a side of Oskar we didn't see much of up until this point. I think maybe this approach with the people in his life as characters show that he wishes everything in his life could run smoothly as a play, and finally "make sense".